


Echo

by Laika_the_wife, Tuii



Series: Reflections [3]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Christmas Party, Cliffhangers, Crushes, Developing Relationship, Healing, M/M, POV Isak Valtersen, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 11:02:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13246857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/pseuds/Laika_the_wife, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: “Is it okay if I go on a rant about my crazy ex?”





	Echo

**Author's Note:**

> By Tuii's wife Laika. Tuii has nothing to do with this, please don't kill her.

Maybe it was the spirit of Christmas, but Isak had forgiven Eskild. Or maybe it had more to do with the fact that Tom was Eskild’s friend, not Isak’s, and to hang out with him meant hanging out with Eskild. In any case, here Isak was, in the Kollektivet, a mug of  gløgg in his hand and a santa hat on his head. Tom - these days Tom was the only thing Isak really paid attention to, and even though this party was quite crowded it felt like they were alone - was sporting an impressive pair of antlers and reindeer ears, and his red blinking nose shone to Isak like a beacon, right above his lips.

As someone brought a bottle over Isak’s mug he placed his hand on it as a lid.

“Not for me, thanks”, he said. He didn’t really drink anymore. It had just been taken off the table, first as a solidarity move for Even and then he kind of got used to it. And, he knew that it would be a bad idea to get drunk around Tom. He had a hard time keeping himself in check sober.

Isak hadn’t really felt like coming to this party. Christmas wasn’t his favourite season, never had been, even though there had been some good ones during the years. But now it was extra hard, his first Christmas without Even.

Suddenly Isak realized that there was something red and blinking very close to him.

“Hey”, Tom said, right at Isak’s startled but appreciative face. “I’ve got something for you.”

Isak couldn’t breathe. Except he must have, since he noticed that Tom smelled  _ amazing _ .

“Uh. Hey. Nice antlers.”

Tom laughed. Something warm was poured inside Isak, all the way down to his belly. How could it be that just being near Tom would make him feel this good, when otherwise he felt so shitty?

“I said I have something for you. In my bag. Want to come and see?”

Isak blushed fiercely. Someone put  _ Santa Baby _ on. Everything was ridiculously perfect and at the same time horrifyingly not.

“Uhhhh..yep. Sure.” Isak emptied his mug of alcohol free gløgg and left it on the floor under the tree. The tree was something he liked about Christmas, it smelled so good and looked so pretty. Just like Tom, he even had a light on him.

Tom led him to his bag, which was half buried under shoes and coats. When he pulled out a gift wrapped in red paper and decorated with a green bow Isak blushed again.

“Merry Christmas. From Tom and Mom”, Isak read the card aloud. The package felt soft through the paper. Squishy.

“Open it”, Tom encouraged him. Isak tried to open the bow but his fingers didn’t obey his orders. His hands were shaking. Finally, to Tom’s great delight, he just ripped the paper away.

“You..were serious?” Isak pulled out woolen mittens, socks and a hat. They were soft and fluffy and made just for him. Isak stroked the dark green hat and noticed his hands had stopped shaking. The love in the stitches helped him settle.

“I’m never kidding about momma”, Tom replied. He removed the santa hat from Isak’s head. “Try it on. Mom wants a picture.”

Isak put the hat on. It was warm, but not bulky, and it fit him perfectly. Tom took out his phone and smiled at him.

“Lovely. Now, look happy you got such a great hat.”

Tom had taken the picture before Isak had time to react. And he refused to show it, instead he said he sent it to his mother already and that’s that. Isak protested, and tried to crab Tom’s phone, in vain. Tom hid it behind his back, and then over his head, all the while just out of Isak’s reach.

“Mistletoed!” Someone yelled and the party stopped. Isak froze when he noticed everyone was staring at him and Tom. He looked up and saw a sprig of mistletoe hanging above their heads in the doorframe.

“Ohmygod”, he whispered, out of breath. He looked at Tom, his panic spinning at full speed inside his head. Tom’s nose kept flashing in its steady beat. Beckoning. Right above his lips. Isak’s legs felt weak.

Tom smiled at Isak and gave his lips a small peck. He barely touched them, the nose got in the way, but it was enough to satisfy the crowd. Especially since Eskild declared a shot war and turned the music back on. Isak stumbled backwards, hitting his back to the door. His lips were on fire.

“How about we take your new gear on a test ride?”

Isak wasn’t sure what Tom meant. His racing mind did manage to piece out that Tom wanted him to go somewhere, with him, and that was exactly what Isak wanted. Some alone-time with Tom.

“Sure. Where?”

Tom laughed. Not at Isak but at what he had said.

“I think the street will be enough. Come along.”

Tom got dressed and Isak followed cue. Shoes. Jacket. Scarf. And then his new mittens and hat. He didn’t put the socks on, they wouldn’t have fitted his sneakers without untying the laces. He was in a hurry now.

When they got outside the cold night air started immediately to pinch at Isak’s cheeks. But his ears were warm and cozy, just like his hands. He smiled at Tom.

“They seem to work.”

Tom took his red nose off and stepped closer to Isak.

“Mistletoed”, he said and winked. Isak looked up. Yep. A mistletoe, hanging from one of Tom’s antlers.

Isak stared at Tom. Then he finally caught on. His heart fluttered like crazy when he reached his lips against Tom’s, this time in a proper kiss. Someone above them was cheering. Isak could barely hear it.

The kiss lasted forever. It took Isak’s breath away with it. He just stood there, gasping for air, clinging to Tom’s jacket with both mitten-clad hands.

“Be mine”, he whispered. “Please, please wonderful Tom be mine.”

Tom kept smiling. He kissed Isak again. Isak repeated his request. He needed a straight answer, after weeks of longing, he needed to know.

“I can be your boyfriend, if that’s enough?”

Isak nodded. It was more than enough, it was all he wanted.

“Can we go to your place?” Isak asked, enthusiastically. Tom’s kiss had lit him up like a firecracker. The fuse was burning.

Tom smirked. “Sure. But you’ll be disappointed.”

“Not a chance.”

They popped upstairs to get their things and then Tom called a cab. As Isak sat on the back seat with him all he wanted to do was kiss him, over and over again, but Tom thought it wouldn’t be necessarily safe and just held Isak’s hand discreetly. The ride took forever.

Isak basically threw himself at Tom as soon as they entered his apartment. He fumbled with his mittens still on, trying to take off Tom’s clothes. He needed them off and on the floor immediately.

“Isak. Stop.”

Isak didn’t understand right away what Tom had said. But when Tom grabbed his wrists friendly but firmly he blinked a couple of times.

“But..huh?”

“It’s not you. You’re very attractive. But I don’t ever go all the way on the first night.”

Isak felt stubborn determination awake inside him. Tom didn’t go all the way on the first night? It was because he’d never had a first night with Isak Valtersen.

“What if you can’t resist me?”

Tom shook his head. “I can. I always can. And if you can’t respect that..you better leave right now.”

“No!” Isak gasped. He was not leaving. Tom had finally shown interest in him. He had been alone for a long time, but he could handle a little bit more. “Please don’t make me leave.”

Tom let slowly go of Isak’s hands. He showed them deep into his pockets, ashamed.

“Consent is sexy”, Tom told him. “You don’t have to push yourself at me, Isak, you’re super hot and I will take you to bed soon..just not today, okay?”

“You did say I’d be disappointed”, Isak sighed. But he nodded anyway. “So, what will we do, then?”

“Well..I don’t put out on the first date, but I do make out..”

“You’re a tease!” Isak proclaimed. Tom laughed.

“Yes. And you’re impatient. What a match.”

When they had peeled off their winter clothes Isak pounced into Tom’s lap. He wrapped his legs around his waist, arms behind his neck, and purred.

“Might as well make the most of this night, eh?”

Tom agreed wholeheartedly and carried him to the bedroom.

Hours later, lips numb from all the kissing, Isak lay by Tom’s side, Tom’s arm as his pillow.

“That wasn’t too bad, now, was it?” Tom asked. Isak chuckled.

“It was  _ horrible _ . I’ve never been kissed so badly in my life.”

Isak squirmed as Tom tickled him for punishment.

“Serves you right”, Tom stated. “Pretty little liar.”

It was so hot when Tom called him little. Little anything. He wanted to be his little whatever, something to be taken care of and protected. It was his turn. But still he was afraid, at the bottom of his still cracked heart lived a fear. Isak turned to look at Tom.

“This might sound odd”, he started. “But I have to ask. You don’t have to answer but I can’t promise I won’t make anything of it if you don’t tell me.”

Tom raised his eyebrow but nodded.

“O-kay. Permission to ask granted.”

Isak bit his lip for a while. He tried to come up with some smooth way to say it but he couldn’t make anything work. He had to be blunt.

“Do you have issues with your mental health?”

Tom laughed. He sounded relieved.

“Why on Earth..do I seem like I do? Is that it?”

Isak shook his head. “I’m serious.”

Tom looked at him. At his solemn face, his eyes, the trickle of empty sadness deep within them. Then he shook his head.

“No. Nothing. I’m clinically normal, you could say.”

Isak nodded. “Okay. Good.”

Tom stroked his shoulder gently.

“Why did you ask?”

Isak was an idiot. But he had been holding it all in for so long. He knew Eskild blamed him for Even’s presumed misery, and maybe for the break up in general. Jonas..he was cool and all, but he was clearly uncomfortable when they talked about him doing..stuff with Even. It was weird for Isak himself as well.

“Is it okay if I go on a rant about my crazy ex?”

Isak regretted that choice of words as soon as he had said them, but it was too late. Tom looked concerned, worried for Isak’s safety, and asked him to go ahead.

“Even was bipolar. He was a good guy but he’d have these..episodes. He’d go missing for days. Or not sleep for a week and make schemes of getting rich all day, all night, all the while ignoring that the money we did have wouldn’t last forever, especially if he spent it on drones or..you know, once this guy sold him a piece of the Moon. The Moon! Even was going to hire people to take him there to make solar panels out of moondust and sell their power to Earth. He read this article about microwaves carrying electricity.” Isak didn’t notice he was crying before Tom wiped his tears off his cheek. He sniffled.

“Sorry. It’s just..I don’t want to live like that anymore. I can’t. I won’t.”

“Wow. That’s..wow.”

Isak felt the need to explain. It was as strong as the urge to breathe, he wanted to defend Even to Tom.

“He didn’t do it on purpose. And it wasn’t always like that. He saved me.” Isak sighed, fondling at the sheets. “I just wish I’d been strong enough to save him back.”

“Do you love him?”

Tom’s question startled Isak. This night was supposed to be about him and Tom, not him and Even’s ghost.

“Eskild told me you’re like him. Like Even was on the good days. That’s the Even I loved but that’s not the one I can have. Not without the other.”

“So..you’re saying you love me? Or something in me that reminds you of him?”

“No!” Isak sat up. The panic started its familiar spin inside him again, growing more powerful each round. He had ruined everything. He had felt too safe and opened up too much and now he’d never have Tom. “I mean..I do like you very, very, very much. But you’re not him. That’s one of your best qualities, really, please believe me, please --”

Tom pulled him back down and kissed him. The spinning started to settle again.

“I believe you. And I also believe that you might need some help. Like, someone to talk to.”

Isak shook his head. “I don’t want to talk anymore. Can’t I just lay here and fall asleep? I’m tired.”

Tom settled Isak back next to him. He pulled a blanket over them and turned off the lamp on the nightstand.

“Sleep, then. I’ll see you when you wake up.”

As Isak drifted to sleep he felt Tom’s lips brush against his forehead. And he wasn’t sure if he dreamt it or not, but it sounded like Tom whispered: “Let’s see if I can save you.”

 

They never talked about that night again. The next morning Tom made them breakfast and presented Isak a list of therapists he’d looked up with his phone. Isak had resisted first but then agreed to try it. He’d visited one for a couple of months regularly and then irregularly, and it was either that or the copious amounts of really good and fun sex he had with Tom on a nightly basis, but Isak had started to feel better. He laughed more. He did things again, visited friends, went clubbing with Tom and Eskild. He started looking for a job. The future was something that existed now, instead of the present just kind of lingering and stretching on and on.

On their six month anniversary Isak had told Tom that he’d fulfil his fantasy. Any fantasy. Tom said he’d think about it at work and when he came home he’d tell what he wanted.

Isak was on pins and needles all day. He couldn’t focus on anything. He took a long bath and scrubbed himself carefully. Then he took a shower later, scrubbing himself again. He wanted to be perfect for the man who had saved him and asked for nothing in return.

When Tom finally came home Isak hurried to meet him. Tom said nothing about his fantasy, just greeted him and kissed him and asked what’s for dinner. Isak pouted.

“Charcoal if I’m cooking”, he huffed. “You know that.”

Tom chuckled.

“Frozen pizza it is. I don’t have time to cook tonight, we have other plans.”

Try as he might, Isak could not pry Tom’s fantasy out of him. He got nothing more than a “you’ll see” or “later honey” or “let’s eat first”. Isak was practically fuming by the time Tom had finished his half of the pizza. He wanted to scream when Tom just looked at him, smirking.

“Come on!”

Tom laughed at his agony.

“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you. But you can still say no. Consent is sexy.”

“Just tell me already!”

“Well. I know you don’t like the idea of being filmed.”

Isak’s heart sank a bit. Tom wanted to film him. He hadn’t told Tom why he didn’t like that at all. And now he had promised to fulfil Tom’s fantasy, he owed this to Tom, and -- Isak’s racing mind came to a halt when Tom reached over the table and grabbed his hands.

“I’m not going to film you, love. But I’d love to share a cam boy with you.”

Isak looked at Tom, puzzled.

“What’s a cam boy?”

“I used to have fun with them before we started dating. It’s an online service, where these cute guys put on their webcam and do the things you ask them to. You can show yourself to them if you want to, or talk to them with the mic, or just type them things.”

Isak licked his lips slowly. A cam boy. Some cute boy for them to order around and look at, together. “Do you..have someone particular in mind? I don’t want anyone to see or hear me.”

“We can just type. And I did some research and found one who had an opening tonight for a private session. If you don’t want to do this I’ll just text him and cancel.”

Isak shook his head. “No. Don’t. I want to.” He smiled at Tom. To see the expectation in his man’s eyes was a major turn on. He had promised a fantasy, and that he would deliver. To be honest he was so relieved that Tom didn’t ask to film him that he’d be willing to do pretty much anything for his wonderful man.

“When is our appointment?”

Tom looked at his phone for time. “Fifteen minutes. I’ll set up the laptop in the bedroom.”

Fourteen minutes later Isak sat on the bed, naked, leaning his back against Tom’s chest. The laptop was in front of them, the cam boy site open, the counter on the window counting down to the scheduled session. Isak could feel Tom getting hard against his lower back and he stroked his hairy muscular legs.

“Are you sure, babe?” Tom whispered into his ear, his lips against his earlobe. Isak sighed softly with pleasure.

“Yes, for the tenth time. I’m sure.”

The counter reached zero. The boy appeared on the screen. Isak looked into a pair of blue eyes that looked almost but not directly into the camera and his heart stopped beating.

It was Even.


End file.
